Are you shy? Read this.
Hi. I just replied to a member who said that they were shy.
I wanted to post something about this topic, because I think
there are a few men and women out here who are shy and can benefit
from what I have to say.
First, I share your pain. I was terribly shy as a teenager,
and right up until college. Even today, I can be a bit shy
or quiet.
But I'm working on this. You can too. Being shy usually
means you need more confidence. I speak from experience
here. How can you do this?
Well, work on your social skills. Get out there and meet
new people. Yes, you can do it. Build up your confidence
slowly - start off by saying "hello" to someone
(male or female), then go from there. Work on developing
small talk - news, sports, movies, t.v, pop culture...
small shit. Just learn to strike up a conversation.
How? There are lots of ways. At a bus stop, comment to the
person beside you about the weather (example, "Man,
it's cold today") He or she might respond, maybe
not. If so, you can go on and say how you heard that the weather
is supposed to warm up tomorrow. Again, he or she may not
respond.
If you do not get a reaction, do not take it personally - they
may be having a bad day, not want to talk to anyone, or are
shy themselves. If you don't get a response, just drop
the conversation.
Now, in terms of the opposite sex, you may need more time
for this. Start out small with "small talk"
and work up from there. Just have a conversation with members
of the opposite sex. Maybe people you're not even interested
in... it's just good practise. Find groups where there's
a good mix of men and women - maybe a hobby group or something
that would give you all something to talk about.
Okay, interested in someone? On to flirting. Flirting
(as I'm discovering for myself) is a subtle art, with
a bit of a sexual tone, but not necessarily leading to sex
or a relationship. Flirting is usually done best by giving
someone a compliment ("nice eyes"). It works
better when it's honest. You don't even have to
want to date the person in order to flirt. I flirt with women
in restaurants, online... even a woman in her 60s I worked
with but had no interest in dating. Just compliment a person,
and see what happens. I have yet to meet a woman who does not
like an honest compliment (or guy... I'm writing from
a guy's perspective).
(continued in Part II, just to give you a break)
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