~~~Trouser Snake~~~
NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
LOCATION: Throughout the world DESCRIPTION: Varying
from pink to black. Fangless, with a highly venomous spit.
Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on it's mood
and subspecies. SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly
women, in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous
bump. Then, a severe swelling, followed by excruciating
pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal.
However, it has been known to attack men in the rear lower
abdomen, which may result in an incurable disease and possible
death. HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been
known to appear in the most unusual places. ANTIDOTE: Various
types of vaccine available for women. However, once the
venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures
will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote
for men. WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED: TORNIQUET: Do not apply
a torniquet, as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.
CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary
and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks
anyhow. SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular
with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have
led to any success.
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