free erotica

my dearest wife

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you
365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average
of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why
I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always
satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times
you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times
you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to
wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid
that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around
and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall
we??

Love, Your Hubby