Anal Sex - First time advice for the ladies
This article was originally in response to a lady's
urgent plea for info and help, but guys take note as well.
In spite of the very sparse sex in my marriage's later
years, amazingly anal sex became an occasional part of
our routine early on. My experience as a male is that it feels
so gawd awful wonderful from this end! It is a wonderful
gift to your man. However...
Having said that, ladies, you need to take care of YOU first,
if it is to happen at all, now or in the future. Have him let
YOU be in charge. No rough stuff, God forbid!
Remember this: If it doesn't go well, you could experience
way too much pain, he'll feel like a heel and maybe ashamed
even, and you will likely become permanently averse to
ever going there again. You'll both regret it if it
goes that way. My fiancee and I tried it 33yrs ago and it didn't
go all that well, and we didn't either.
Let him know that if this is to become an occasional or frequent
part of your sexual activities that it must be approached
with the care that it deserves. You want this to be a good
thing between you, not a painful memory of something you
"tried once".
Do NOT be discouraged if it doesn't completely work
the first time. It may take several tries at different times.
Go very very slow. Allow for there to be a slow relaxing.
With a very gentle but steady pressure this relaxing, as
it happens, can sometimes allow for a gentle sliding in
that may surprise you both if you let it just happen. The
feeling of "omigod, it worked!" is really great
if both share it.
There is no such thing as too much lube. Arousal helps. Do
NOT let him try to provide any kind of "final push".
This is NOT some medieval version of "deflowering",
for God's sake! However, if you really like pain, (though
I suspect not!) this will certainly provide it. The first
time is NOT a time for a lot of intense pumping, either. Hopefully
you will have a path of discovery ahead of you, which is a
great thing!
Various lubes are available on the condom rack in most drug
stores and major grocery chains today. (Does anybody remember
when the condoms were only behind the counter and out of
sight?) Everyone has a different preference. As far as
the generally available ones, AstroGlide is amazingly
slippery, and even carries a warning against spilling
any on the floor to prevent falling! Good ole' KY has
worked... it's what the medical profession tends
to use down there, but is jelly-like and stays where you
put it. AstroGlide is so slippery it will often roll off
your hand if you're not ready for it. I've heard
of silicone-based anal-specific lubes but haven't
tried them, and as far as I know they are available in Adult
stores and catalogs. Try Adam&Eve in Chapel Hill,
NC (great town, BTW). They also have very nice (not trashy
or seamy) boutique style stores in that state as well, Adam&Eve's
Night Dreams, I believe.
Warm up. Go slow. We've never tried this, but I hear
that getting used to this in a step-by-step method can be
accomplished with the use of various silicone-based objects
(with lube, of course!) of progressively larger sizes,
commonly known as "anal probes" or "butt
plugs". (Kinda hate the names) Available in adult
stores and catalogs. You may want to try this as you can measure
your comfort level periodically as you move along in progress
to the real thing. If you have an adult store near you, and
you are game, go there with him to pick some out with his help
regarding sizes, etc. Perhaps it may seem a little "naughty",
but it can really add to the experience and the togetherness
of the adventure. Be forewarned, if you've never been
in an "adult store", it is NOTHING like the pleasant
boutique-like atmosphere of Adam&Eve's, and
maybe you'll run into one of your neighbors! Catalogs
are much better, and the best ones are very discreet in their
billing and packaging.
Serious cautions. Condoms are to be considered with the
same care for this as much as for ANY sexual activity. Perhaps
more so. It IS literally the easiest way for any STD to enter
the body, especially HIV. Medically proven. Truly a serious
consideration. If you are both free of STDs and monogamous
skip the condom if you like. BTW, no, you cannot get pregnant
from anal sex (as if you didn't already know this),
HOWEVER, uncontained semen leaking around that area is
too close and has been known to have a pregnancy potential
should it leak around to the vaginal opening. Sorry for
being graphic, but if you care, do consider it a risk. Obviously,
the pill makes this a non-issue. Condoms also help if either
of you has any sanitary worries. Oh, hopefully you also
already know that any petroleum-based products used for
lubrication will break down the latex in the condom. For
him, there are some incredibly thin condoms out there that
even transmit heat, which is great, as this area often feels
warmer in temperature.
Sanitary worries. (Sorry for more gross clinical stuff,
but more info can mean a better experience without pain,
fear, or shame) In our experience nothing has ever "come
out". Apply common sense always. Obviously, make
sure the area is empty! You'll be able to tell if you
feel "full". Don't worry too much. The
worst is you might be a little embarassed, you can simply
clean up, and maybe have a laugh.
Pain. You will certainly feel a stretching. Try not to be
so nervous that you are overly tense. Have him be gentle
with you, even stimulate you, or you yourself. Slow slow
slow. Pause once in a while. If he is overly large, it may
take longer. Again, love, care, and common sense are the
watchwords. You MAY feel a stinging. We all have had difficult
movements and know what this feels like. That could be uncomfortable
for you. Some Neosporin-plus (includes lidocaine) can
help afterwards, both with pain and healing from this.
Be aware, be prepared, don't be afraid.
Your man has the power to make or break this experience for
the both of you. Make sure he knows it. Trust and rely on his
love for you and this will develop into something that can
become quite a passionate thing for the two of you.
I wish you all the best on this new adventure! Truly enjoy
it. I hope this wasn't just "too much information",
but that some of it is useful for you.
BTW ladies, if you're feeling there's something
unfair about letting him enter you there, you might ask
him if he'd consider letting you use a "strap-on"
on him, something I've considered, but haven't
tried yet. You know, keep the playing field level! After
all, he's going into you... would he do that for you?
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