Maturity Vs. Ignorance
It's quite obvious that some people simply do not understand
what mature dating is all about. There are some who just
want to add another notch to their bedpost, and these are
usually the ones who send messages that say "I'm
waiting for you... call me now to have sex." If they
are able to find someone who doesn't mind being used
and thrown away then good for them... they got what they
wanted, and most likely that is what their partner wanted
and now they are both happy. I wonder if they realize (and
even care) that they just became the next notch on their
partner's bedpost as well?
On the other hand, there are also those who are interested
in exploring all the possibilities that are available
to them and building many healthy relationships along
the way. There are some who are new to the scene and not sure
about themselves or what they are really looking for. Then
there are those who have been around for awhile, strong
in their ideals and desires, and know exactly how to pick
out those who fit their needs. Quite often, the ones who
have been around the block and learned from their experiences
are able to help draw out the shy, unsure individuals who
sit in the background and wait for someone to approach them.
Those who are new to the scene are often not sure what exactly
they are looking for, and they may have to stumble along
and learn from their experiences until they finally do
discover what they really want. These are the ones who are
taking the time to read, digest, and ponder what others
have to say. Often they go into the chatrooms and just sit
back and watch, responding to those who say "hello,
how are you tonight?" but not really starting up a
conversation with anybody in particular. They go to the
advice column and read what others have to say, and sometimes
they find a topic that strikes their interest and realize
that they now have the opportunity to walk through the open
door and get involved.
I know that there are many people out there who are serious
in their desires to meet and get involved with others who
share their ideals and interests.... and these are the
ones that I am interested in connecting with. I'm not
here to see how many guys want to have a one-night quickie
with me so that I can be the next notch on their bedpost. When
I first came to this site a couple years ago, I was turned
off by all the emails from people who wanted to use me and
throw me away. It's taken me two years to realize that
I am looking for an emotional connection with other people
who share my interests and desires. It's taken me hours
of chatting with different people, exploring thoughts
and fantasies, digging into the dark hidden desires that
I had not realized existed. I am discovering my true personality
through the time that I spend with others, and I am a very
different person than the one I remember two years ago...
a year ago... 6 months... a week. It has become more than
simply wanting to satisfy my curiosities... it has become
a deep desire, an urgent need... and I can see that there
is a light under those doors that are still waiting to be
open... and someone is waiting on the other side of that
door to share that emotional connection and fulfill those
desires.
So for all those who are out there wondering if it's
alright to say "No thanks, I'm not interested
in what you have to offer" the answer is yes. You do
not have to accept every offer that comes along... and you
do not have to feel guilty about hurting somebody's
feelings when you tell them no. If they are truly mature
enough to accept your answer, then they will most likely
email you to say "Thank you for letting me know, and
best of luck to you in your search." They may even ask
if you would like to chat sometime just as friends, nothing
more.... but make sure that they understand and accept
"nothing more"
For all those who are out there wondering why they were rejected,
or why they didn't receive any response at all... rather
than getting angry and behaving like an ignorant child,
take time to look over your profile carefully. Be sure that
your profile describes your personality, your desires,
and what you are looking for in a partner. Most importantly,
be sure you state what kind of relationship you are looking
for... one-time meeting for sex only, long term sex partner
with "no strings attached", friendship with
benefits, long-term manogamous relationship, so forth.
After you have determined that your profile states your
exact terms, take a close look at the individuals who have
rejected you or simply not bothered to respond. In case
you have been wondering what those yellow stars are next
to their name, that's a rating system which determines
whether or not that person is a compatible partner for you.
If you see four or five stars staring back at you, take the
time to contact them again... perhaps they didn't
receive your first message, or perhaps you didn't
receive their response. Tell them that you messaged them
before but didn't receive a response, and that you
are following up to let them know you are still interested.
Ask them to respond to your message, even if it's a simple
"Thanks, I'm not interested." On the other
hand, if you only see a couple stars then most likely they
felt that you were not a compatibility match and a response
would be a waste of their time... in which case, you should
be more selective in who you are messaging.
Finally, for those who receive messages from people who
they are simply not interested in... you never know who
they may have a connection with. Although they are not what
you are looking for, perhaps they know people with whom
you might be compatible. It only takes a couple of minutes
to let them know why you are not interested, and you might
even add a line asking them if they know anybody who might
be a closer match to what you are looking for. Likewise,
if you are networked with someone who might be interested
in what they have to offer, it wouldn't hurt to offer
them an opportunity to connect.
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