The Five Questions Most Feared by Men
Questions to Avoid!!!
The 5 questions most feared by men are:
- What are you thinking about?
- Do you love me?
- Do I look fat?
- Do you think she is prettier than me?
- What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one
is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man
answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore,
as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along
with possible responses.
Question #1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm
sorry I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting
on what a warm, wonderful, thoguhtful, caring, intelligent
woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This
response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer,
which most likely is one of the following:
Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered
by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know
what I was thinking, I would be talking to you."
Question #2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel
a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate resopnses include:
Oh yeah, s***-loads.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?
Question #3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly
thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about
how I could spend the insurance money if you died.
Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic "Of
course not!" Incorrect responses include:
Yes, but you have a better personality.
Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
Define pretty.Could you repeat the question? I was just
thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if
you died.
Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win situation. (The real answer, of course,
is "Buy a Corvette and a boat.") No matter how
you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up
questions, usually along these lines:
WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them
with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: shit
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